Rule #3 of Leadership: Assume Positive Intent

Let’s be honest, we all have those moments at work. That one colleague who keeps pushing your buttons. That team member who always seems to resist. The difficult meeting where you walk away thinking, “Why are they doing this?”

Frustration is part of leadership. And if you’re not careful, it starts to color your energy. You become less open, more reactive, and, frankly, less of the leader you want to be. What you feel internally, others pick up on too. Whether we like it or not, our energy speaks before we do. And that’s where Rule #3 comes in:

Assume positive intent.

This rule has changed how I lead, and how I stay grounded when things get tough. Because the truth is: almost no one shows up to work trying to sabotage things. Even when someone’s behavior is challenging, it usually comes from a place of concern, fear, or deep (misguided) commitment.

Maybe they’re pushing back because they care deeply about the quality of work. Maybe they don’t fully understand the “why” behind a decision. Maybe they’re simply overwhelmed. But rarely, so rarely, is the intent actually negative.

And when you assume otherwise, when you label someone as difficult or defiant, you start treating them through that lens. They feel it. And the relationship hardens.

But when you lead with curiosity instead of judgment, everything shifts.

This doesn’t mean letting things slide or avoiding necessary conversations. It simply means starting from the belief that people are doing the best they can with what they have. And from there, ask questions. Try to understand what’s underneath the surface. Because once people feel seen, they’re far more open to dialogue, to feedback, and to change.

And yes, you won’t always agree. You’re not supposed to.

But respectful disagreement is far more powerful than quiet resentment.

So next time you feel that edge of irritation rise, pause.

Take a breath.

And try this: What if they meant well?

You might just find a better conversation and a better outcome, waiting on the other side.